I wasn't allowed to do anything for myself


Not having fun, enjoying, touching or being touched. A serious burnout in 2013 made it take me 3 hours (!!) to put on my shoes. In 2015 I started looking for things that I found relaxing. The real change started in 2017. I carefully allowed touch, giving and enjoying it back into my life. What a difference! From fear and panic, to enjoyment, relaxation and fun. I never thought that touching and being touched could make such a difference to my mental and physical health.

To live


Connect in freedom

See, feel, hear, smell

First act, then think

Like nature

Here and now


I started writing to organize my own thoughts. I posted this on Facebook, where it turned out that I could touch others with my words. After writing, starting my own company, finding out that that is not my complete passion, I continued searching.


Until I stopped looking.

It's already there.

I'm already there.


I stopped searching in all sorts of areas: work that might or might not suit me, relationships that I might or might not enter into, searching for confirmation and connection. I stopped. It's all there already. I just have to reach out and tackle it. Tantra came my way. A way of life that fits in perfectly with this.


I started using my senses more. Experiencing, being there completely and noticing that one day I liked this, the next day that and the day after that something that I thought I didn't like. That is tantra for me: Living. Now at this moment. Feeling what there is to feel. Touching and being touched, in very different ways. Playing, together, alone, in connection.


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Freedom


This process has given me a lot of freedom. Freedom to be who I am. Without having to justify myself, to conform to frameworks and images or to always have to please others. Doing what is right in the moment. Does that always work? No. I am also human and certainly not holy or enlightened. I do continue to practice what I love most: Being there. Completely. Because that is where the miracles, the fun, the pearls and the enjoyment lie.


Wie ben ik profielfoto

I used to sing in a children's choir, then in a youth choir. Later, when I did the Pabo, I learned to play a few chords on the guitar.


Sometimes I sing along softly during the massages, I also play this song by Fia (shedding skins) on the guitar in my spare time.


As a child I already massaged, fiddled me through the hair of my brothers' friends. Enjoying that touch, the texture of that hair. Until I was no longer allowed to do this by myself. You can read a blog about this here read. The tantra massages have arisen after I gave myself full permission to touch again, to enjoy that touch again. It gives me peace in my body, pleasure, enjoyment and the experience of connection.

I am Leonie Wouters


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